In sharing this piece, I am stepping way out of my comfort zone, but I thought it might encourage someone else in a struggle… I am an old fashion Baptist Boy, on the downhill side of my 50’s. I don’t believe God audibly speaks to men in this Age of Grace, but, I do believe His Spirit comforts and consuls the Spirit of His Elect. That is the security of a “relationship” with Him, His signature on our Hearts and Souls… (1 Corinthians 6:20 & Acts 17:11)
God has allowed me to walk thru some small valleys over the last 30+ months; my prideful Heart has provided some resistance along the way in His teachable moments. My human desire to please & seek approval has also allowed me to take more than my fair share of responsibility for errors and sins in past situations. I can’t elaborate on this thought, but have learned that we do well enough in God’s eyes to own up to our own sins without taking on the responsibility for the sins of others. Carrying our Brother’s Burdens need not be carrying the weight of their sinful choices; we need just to provide encouragement for them so that Christ may shine the Light for them to find The Way. We do need to be the eyes of Christ that they look into at the moment of Repentance with a tender loving heart and a shoulder for them to lean on. (Galatians 6:2)
After a heavy burdened evening with my Lord, this morning on my way into work, I heard a Hymn on the radio that touched my Heart. Then His Spirit rushed my Soul with a Peace and Joy that I cannot begin to articulate in words. His Spirit spoke to my Heart, that He has my back; He will guide, direct and walk my path with me. To rejoice in all things, and in all things give Thanks. (1st Thessalonians 5:16-18) I am a Technical Analyst; I deal in processes that are Black & White with known published results. This encounter with Christ is a little out of the norm for me, but the most real encounter I have ever experienced. I study the Bible and read tons of commentaries faithfully, but this exceeds and steps beyond the Biblical academics I have in my head… (Proverbs 3:5)
All my life, I have tried desperately to be the Rock for family, stuffing emotion deep, as they taught us in the U.S. Marine Corps, compartmentalize that stuff; it gets in the way of sound decisions. I still believe that to some extent, because the Bible tells us that our emotions will betray us. (Jeremiah 17:9) But, God speaks to the Hearts of Men, when they allow themselves to be Broken and Vulnerable by His Hand. (Psalms 51:17) Spiritual maturity discerns God’s hand in our lives verses every day consequences of choices and decisions. I had received news that shook me to the core, something I once believed, was challenged & tearing at the very fiber of my Heart… I could not academically tear it apart and make sense of it. Thus; I was broken, I could not use my own sense of deduction to analyze the problem before me. It had me so tore up, that I sat in tears for hours, I can’t fix this one, I kept repeating in my mind, I can’t fix this one…
This morning – He spoke to my Heart and said, “you’re right RC, you can’t fix this one, it’s Mine to carry, Mine to resolve - this is Mine, just let go, Trust Me & Just Let Go”… (Psalms 55:22) I am sitting in my office here at lunch time with the door closed and tears streaming down my cheeks as I type this piece. The pain and sting of the last three years has been lifted, and I have a joy deep inside that I have absolutely no “human” explanation for. Leading up to this morning, I had a friend tell me to share with Abba that I was hurt and angry with the circumstances and consequences I found myself in. Last night, when I finally realized I can’t resolve this, even though I felt guilty for bringing it to Him on those terms, I fell on my face and admitted to Him that I was hurting and a little angry… His answer was, and always will be “I Love You just the same”… (2nd Corinthians 9:8)
I am reminded that God’s Love for us is not conditional; He doesn’t withhold His Love or Care for us when and if we fail. (Romans 5:8 & 1st John 4:18) When we feel the chastening – of His Spirit, there is comfort in knowing it is because He Truly Loves those that He chastens. Grace is a product of HIS Heart wrapped in Salvation, God’s Promise that even when we don’t get it right, He has still sealed us through Eternity. Therefore; we rest in the fact and knowledge that our Eternal address doesn’t depend on my ability to stay in the lines, it depends solely & completely in His Holy Word at the moment we Believe, Repent, turn and Follow His Son. He then begins the process of purging the old man and revealing the new man He has placed inside every Believer. At the center of this story, God’s purging or Sanctification of a man’s heart may at times be painful, if we hold to our past to tightly. As I just heard Alistair Begg say last night on the Internet, “He is after all a jealous God, not willing to share us with other priorities in our lives, just as a husband will not share his wife with others, God wants us to be His alone”… (Exodus 34:14)
When we place His will first in our lives, which can be discerned by spending time in His word, He will renew and occupy our Hearts to the point that we will look different. Different from the man / woman we once were, different to where people will see the contrast and ask “why”? Thank You Dear Father for Loving Me an unlovable undesirable man & for sharing your Heart with mine; those moments spent with You in the last 24 hours gave me my 2nd wind to complete this race…
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